10%

So it seems I am one of the lucky few who get the joy of feeling the side effects from medication. My newest prescription has me totally messed up to the point I can't even take 5mg. It was so bad I had to leave work early yesterday because I couldn't stop shaking. I get nervous, paranoid, clench my teeth, and shake uncontrollably off and on for hours. So far out of the last 4 prescriptions I have had negative side effects from all of them. Just my luck my doc is on vacation and will be coming back right before my next appointment.

Night and Day

So today I started my new meds and things are looking up. I feel completely different, most if not all of the side effects are gone, I don't feel any sense of dread or paranoia. I feel like an actual person. I had a great visit to the dentist where the fixed my chipped tooth and due to my insurance over paying it cost me nothing! Stopped by Target on the way home and picked up three pairs of pants and a new shirt for only $20. Feeling hungry I ordered coconut curry from PFChangs and got home with enough time to relax and enjoy it while watching TV before I have to go into work.

.

A moment of clarity
amidst all of this
and all I can think is
Why?

Fear

So it's been a while since I posted something and things feel like they are spiraling out of control. I just left a message for my doctor to please change my medication as this one seems to do nothing but give me the negative side effects, my back constantly tingles like my skin has fallen asleep, my vision blurs from time to time, I am always slightly congested, my hands shake, my jaw clenches constantly and for the last two weeks I have been living in a constant state of fear. It took me a while to figure out the fear thing. It started with a metallic taste in my mouth, then my stomach got knotted, and now even the slightest things make my jump like a little girl. I constantly feel like I have to throw up and every time I hear voices outside I assume that they are talking about me. I spend most of my free time in my room watching hulu because I can't really do anything else.

Bless my doctor, before I even got time to finish this post she called me back and right now is on the phone with my pharmacy getting a new prescription filled and I can start it tomorrow.