Thanks Dad!

My mom wanted to throw this out when I was a wee babe, my dad made her keep it in case one of us wanted it when we were older. Thanks dad, I got this the other day and will get the rest the next time I am over!

Unemployed, thanks B&N

Barnes and Noble is a shitty company to work for unless you are willing to sacrifice your morals.


So here I am, after 8 years of loyalty, I have been on unemployment for a month and a half. I have applied at several locations around town and I have only have had three interviews and no call backs. Whatever, I know a job for me is out there somewhere I just have to keep looking.

My former employer, as I have recently found out has made life so unbearable for at least two others to the point that they quit. I know what they are doing, they are trying to get rid of the people who have been there the longest in favor of newer cheaper labor. I also know that the district manager Jay doesn't like handicapped people. He never came out and said it but he eluded to it a lot. He doesn't think that they can do the job right when I know for a fact they can.

Barnes and Noble used to be a great company to work for, one that cared about the employee as much as the customer but sometime last year they changed their business model to be more of a "We want money and screw everyone else" type of policy.



Thi

On the tip

I thought I had something to say, something important and philosophical but alas, it has escaped me and all I have for you is this picture of a door partially open, never really divulging whats on the other side.

You

Have no idea what face everyday. my mind races a thousand possibilities pass through my consciousness a minute. I try, I really do, i try to be like you and enjoy simple things in life. I want to be normal but every time I see a color or shape i think of the thousands of possibilities that it could take. When at work i have to shut this off and do my job.


but


think about it,

this and that mixed with those things and something unusual could create something delicious.



you will never know till you try

solitare

So here I am
I have tried 4 separate medications for sleep
something that has alluded me since I can remember
and I keep on trying till I find the magic match

What happened?

I used to know so many people who were artists and poets. Over the last few years it seems like (in addition to mine) their spirits have been crushed.



We used to talk of poetry and paintings, of ideas and such. Lately it seems all we do is live for work.

oh this again

So I called my doctors office this morning and asked them that I was wondering why my prescription was denied. They said that it was because I need to schedule an appointment with my doctor (which they did not mention the last time I called)and that is why I was denied. I then made an appointment and asked her what should I do since I am out of pills. She said to call the pharmacy and have them send over a new request and it would get signed off just enough pills till the next visit. Later today I called to see if my prescription was filled and again it was denied, this time by my insurance. So I had to call back my doctors office after hours (of course) and request a 90 day supply. WTF? Why has it become so hard to be sane these days?

Here we go again

So I called my doctors office yesterday to see if I have any appointments and to request a refill on my meds. The receptionist said that I had no new appointments scheduled and that all I needed to do was to have the pharmacy fax over a request for my prescription. So I called CVS and made the request. I went in today after work to pick up my meds only to find out that my doctors office refused the request! The last time I spoke with her she said to never be off my meds, that it's very important to stay on them. So now I am facing the next few days off them and there uis nothing I can do bout it. So my apologies if I am extra crazy, emotional or weird the next few days. Some day I will get this all sorted out.

The last day or so

So i spent the last day throwing up 12 hours of puking is no fun. My body is torn and everything aches. I can barely shower, and sleep is not an option. If I stand up still and not move then I am OK. Otherwise I am in absolute pain.

naked

apparently I need to add some nudity for some of you to respond,

A new begining

I have started to come to terms with how life is. Nothing is how I thought it was, nothing is even close to the way things are. I have begun to realize the world Is not what I thought it was. Now I realize that I have no choice but to join in.

I just didn't piece it together till today.

So today is my 4th day without my medication and I had to leave after 45 minutes because I was so emotional I was crying in the back room of our cafe for no reason. I knew something was wrong the last few days I have been dizzy and today woke up with really bad shakes. I felt like such an idiot, crying as I was leaving the store. I am now at home waiting for CVS to fill my prescription.

months have passed

So it's been a long while since my last post, things have been crazy with my work life spilling over into my home life. I have been so worried about the future that I can't focus on today. Now I am so stressed out about what tomorrow will bring I can't even think about today for a second. Things were ok when I was on my meds daily but since my phone has become useless I have to wait till tomorrow to try and call in my new prescription. I am twitchy and nervous and very paranoid, I can't get my thoughts straight, I bounce from here to there and back again. I Have been dizzy all day, and can't keep my hands still, my mind is racing at a thousand miles a minute and the topics I try to focus on change constantly. constantly constantly, I watched my landlords mother check her mail 4 times today and couldn't help but see one of my many possible futures.